


Sanctuary

by Paradise_of_Mary_Jane



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Brotherhood, Family, Gen, Hints of child abuse, first wizarding war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 07:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4295265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradise_of_Mary_Jane/pseuds/Paradise_of_Mary_Jane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius' room had always been a place of refuge for Regulus Black. Even amidst the war and all that's changed between them it will always remain as such.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sanctuary

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [Julichris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julichris/pseuds/Julichris) in the [HPprompts](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/HPprompts) collection. 



It was his brother’s last night here and Regulus kept his steps light and silent, careful not to wake the other occupants of the house, as he snuck into Sirius’ room. He knew that he was too old for such antics but that didn’t matter very much, not when Sirius would be gone for so long. He opened the door to Sirius’ room as quietly and as gently as he could and found Sirius fast asleep on his bed.  


“Sirius,” he whispered, closing the door behind him. “Sirius.”  


Sirius didn’t react, merely rolled over.  


Regulus stepped closer and sat down on the bed.  


“Wake up Sirius,” said Regulus tapping his shoulder lightly. He felt his breathing ease when Sirius stirred.  


“Reg?” asked Sirius groggily, clearly still half asleep.  


“Can I sleep here tonight?” Regulus asked quietly. Sirius rolled in his bed to give Regulus a confused stare. He hadn’t asked to sleep beside Sirius in years, but this was his last day here and Regulus couldn’t imagine life in the dark and dreary house without his brother. He was prepared to act as childish tonight as he could.  


“Sure,” said Sirius shifting a little to make room for Regulus. Regulus eased himself under the covers and into Sirius’ arms.  


“What’s wrong Reg?” asked Sirius concern written all over his face.  


“Nothing,” said Regulus hiding his head under the covers and closing his eyes. “I just wanted to sleep here, that’s all.”  


Sirius sighed and placed the covers over his head as well.  


“You only come to my room when there’s something wrong,” Sirius told him. “And now you’re hiding under the covers. Come on Regulus out with it.”  


“I’m gonna miss you Siri. Do you really have to go?” Regulus said quietly before he could think too much about his words. They had always done this, ever since they were small children, whenever one had a secret to tell, they would both hide under the covers and tell it to each other. Sirius said when they were little that the blanket was a shield protecting them from anything that might want to hurt them. Under it, Regulus had always felt safe saying anything, but he was still reluctant to admit his feelings to Sirius.  


“I won’t be gone that long Reg,” Sirius said reasonably. “And I’ll bombard you with letters if it makes you feel better.”  


“Everyday?” asked Regulus hopefully.  


“Well not everyday,” said Sirius rolling his eyes. “Have mercy on my owl Reg, it’s a long way from Hogwarts to London.”  


“Fine,” said Regulus. “But promise you’ll write as often as you can.”  


“I just said so didn’t I?” said Sirius. “I’ll tell you everything about Hogwarts. I think that half the stories Bella tells us about the Slytherin Common Room are lies, I don’t think all the lights are green,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “That would look ridiculous,” he said.  


“It would,” agreed Regulus. “Like a fish tank.”  


“I for one refuse to stay anywhere that looks like a fish tank,” declared Sirius and Regulus couldn’t stop the giggle that erupted from his lips. “I’m serious Regulus. If what our cousins say is true, and I’m still hoping it’s a lie, then those lights will be the first thing that has to go. I will not stay anywhere that has green lights. This place has enough green as it is.”  


“Don’t forget about me while you’re there alright?” said Regulus biting his lip.  


“I won’t,” promised Sirius, tone changing to something more serious. He nudged Regulus in the side, causing a laugh to erupt from his lips without his consent. Sometimes Regulus hated how ticklish he was. “How could I ever forget the little king who keeps crawling to my bed at night and always hides under the covers.”  


“Hey!”  


“That’s better,” said Sirius with a nod. “Now you seem more like a not so little king. Can we go to sleep now your majesty?”

Regulus smiled and closed his eyes.  


“Good night Sirius,” he said sleepily. Sleep all of a sudden fell upon him like a blanket.  


“Good night little brother,” murmured Sirius as he placed his arm around Regulus. “And I’m going to miss you too you know?”  


  


* * *

  


Regulus found himself going to Sirius’ room without much thought. Mother and Father were in the drawing room, arguing, and Sirius… Sirius was gone.  


He was in Hogwarts now, with new friends and a new world to look forward to. He was in Gryffindor and Regulus wasn’t as surprised as he should have been. They always said that Gryffindor was the house of the brave didn’t they? Sirius had always been the bravest person that Regulus had ever known and he so desperately wanted to be like his older brother most of the time. To be brave.  


But Mother and Father were still downstairs arguing, and they were arguing about Sirius. Regulus didn’t doubt that there would be a punishment waiting for his older brother the moment he stepped back into number twelve Grimmauld Place.  


Regulus wanted so desperately to be like his brother, to follow in his footsteps, but he knew that he never could.  


In the end, he was just too scared.  


  


* * *

  


“Sirius?”  


Regulus opened the door without knocking. It was well into the night and every other person in Grimmauld Place was asleep. It was the perfect time to sneak into Sirius’ room.  


“Reg?” Sirius was sitting upright on his bed, posture stiff and uncomfortable. Father had marched Sirius into the drawing room where their mother was waiting for him the moment they arrived from King’s Cross and Regulus hadn’t seen him since, not even for supper. Regulus could only imagine what had happened. Their parents had made him stay in his room throughout but he could still hear the shouting, and the curses. The sun was already beginning to set when it had finally stopped.  


“I brought some food,” said Regulus, closing the door behind him as he sat himself down on the floor and revealed his bounty. “It’s not much but…”  


“Thanks Reg,” said Sirius making no move to rise from the bed. He rubbed at a spot on his arm absently. He hadn’t bothered to roll up his sleeves despite the summer heat.  


“Don’t you want to eat?” asked Regulus tentatively. Sirius was beginning to scare him, his voice was flat and his eyes looked dead. “You were with mother and father the whole afternoon and you didn’t come down for supper so you must--”  


“They locked me in,” said Sirius cutting off Regulus’ ramblings. He turned his head towards Regulus and his eyes narrowed slightly. Regulus breathed a sigh of relief despite himself, suspicion was so much better than the other look that had been on Sirius’ eye.

“How did you get in here?” asked Sirius.  


“I stole Mother’s wand,” said Regulus, flushing slightly.  


“You shouldn’t have done that,” said Sirius looking agitated. “She’s going to know and she’ll punish you.”  


“She drank a lot of wine tonight,” said Regulus quickly. “She’ll sleep till noon. That’s enough time for me to return it. She won’t even notice it’s gone. You really should eat Sirius,” he added.  


Sirius slid off the bed and gingerly seated himself on the floor, across Regulus. Regulus wordlessly handed the plate of food to him and he all but shoved the food into his mouth.  


“Thanks Reg,” said Sirius in between mouthfuls.  


“Tell me about Hogwarts,” demanded Regulus. He decided to ignore the fact that Sirius was favouring his right hand despite the fact that he was left-handed. “You barely wrote.”  


Sirius smiled gratefully at him.  


“I wrote to you every three days,” he said amusedly. “I was running out of things to say by the second month.”  


“Like I said,” said Regulus crossing his arms over his chest. “Barely. So what’s it like their?”  


“It’s amazing Reg,” said Sirius his eyes now shining with wonder. “There’s more magic there than I’ve ever seen. Anywhere.”  


“And?”  


“The Common Room is always bright, and there’s always a warm fire. And the kitchens have a hundred house elves that’ll give you anything you ask for. James and I sneak into there nearly every night after we explore the castle and eventually we wrangled Remus and Peter to come with us,” said Sirius an unconscious smile spreading on his face. He was clearly lost in better memories.  


“That sounds great,” said Regulus forcing a smile on his face. He didn’t know why he felt so upset when he should have been happy for his brother. Maybe he just didn’t understand why Sirius was still so happy, even with how upset their parents had been and what they had done to him, Sirius still had that smile on his face. He still looked perfectly content talking about the thing that had caused him so much pain and maybe Regulus couldn’t understand that.  


“It is,” said Sirius completely oblivious to Regulus’ torment. He took a bite into the bread, finishing off the last crumbs before giving Regulus a grin that seemed blinding. “I can’t wait until you’re there as well. You have no idea how much fun we’ll have. We might even be in the same house…” Sirius suddenly seemed to find his fingers very interesting.  


“Oh,” said Regulus feeling his heart drop. It seemed like a swell idea, being with the same house as Sirius at Hogwarts, but he didn’t think he could withstand his parent’s fury with that easy smile like Sirius did. “Maybe.”  


Regulus didn’t think his smile convinced Sirius this time. Sure enough disappointment flashed across his eyes before it was quickly hidden.  


“I should probably go,” said Regulus after what felt like an eternity, feeling awkward in his brother’s presence in what was probably the first time. They had not spoken another word between them. “I’ll just drop off your plate in the kitchen shall I?”

“Yeah,” said Sirius quickly. Regulus picked up the empty plate and rose to leave.  


“Reg.”  


“Yeah?” asked Regulus, his hand already on the doorknob.  


“Thanks,” said Sirius. “For the food and for well…everything.”  


“You’re welcome Sirius.”

  


* * *

  


“Sirius?”

Regulus had sneaked into Sirius’ room again. It was deep into the night and their parents had just left Sirius alone.  


“What do you want?”  


The moment Sirius saw Regulus he gave him a look that was a mix of misery and something almost like resentment before turning his back to him. Regulus could guess where the resentment came from. He had heard enough from the shouting to figure it out.  


“I brought some food,” said Regulus quietly.  


“I don’t want it,” said Sirius shortly, still refusing to look at Regulus.  


“Sirius--”  


“Go away Regulus,” snapped Sirius before sighing and bowing his head.  


“I’m sorry,” said Regulus.  


“Why? It’s not as if you did anything,” said Sirius and now there was definitely resentment in his voice. Regulus tried not to feel too hurt by it.  


“For everything. Getting sorted in Slytherin.” He and Sirius’ relationship had grown more and more strained throughout the year, ever since the first night at Hogwarts. Regulus couldn’t imagine James Potter’s influence or their parent’s ‘teaching methods’ helping matters.  


“It’s not as if you asked to be in Slytherin,” said Sirius bitterly. “The hat had barely touched your head when it decided you’re a proper little pureblood after all.”  


“Sirius,” pleaded Regulus but Sirius cut him off.  


“Just go away Regulus,” said Sirius. “I want to go to sleep.”  


“Sirius,” said Regulus not quite hating himself for how desperate he sounded. “Please just look at me.”  


Sirius finally turned to Regulus but stared at him with hard, unreadable eyes. There was a large bruise just peeking out from under his shirt.  


“What?”  


“We’re still brothers right?” said Regulus. “No matter what? You’re not angry are you?”  


Sirius scrutinized him for a long time before his eyes softened marginally, or at least Regulus wanted to believe it softened.  


“You’ll always be my brother Reg,” said Sirius softly. “There’s nothing in this world that can change that. And that means I can’t stay angry, not really.”’  


“Really?” said Regulus, perking up.  


“Yeah little king,” said Sirius with a smile that didn’t look real. “I’m just a bit tired now that’s all. I just need to be alone now.”  


“Uh--alright then,” said Regulus. “Good night Sirius.”  


“Goodnight Regulus.”  


Regulus went out the room almost believing that everything was the same with them.

  


* * *

  
He was wrong. Time only served to widen the chasm that had appeared between the two brothers. Their parents, particularly their mother, pushed and pushed Sirius to do his duty to the family which only served to push Sirius further and further away and right into James Potter’s waiting arms.

Somehow, the Gryffindor was dragging Sirius away from his family. Regulus didn’t doubt that it was him who had filled Sirius’ head with the ideas that went against everything he had raised to believe, it was him who made Sirius believe that there was something more important than family, who was at Sirius’ side as he tormented Slytherins, even Regulus. It was James Potter who dragged Regulus’ brother away from him to a place that not even Regulus could get him back from. He found himself resenting James Potter more and more each day.  


With each summer, Sirius spent less and less time at home, preferring to stay with James Potter, and whenever he was at home he was always more vocal about his beliefs. Regulus was certain that some of it was just to purposefully anger their parents, though he wasn’t sure was why. Whatever the reason Sirius had for antagonizing them, their parents always took the bait. The blow-out that usually came afterwards lasted days, sometimes even weeks at a time. It always ended with Sirius leaving to seek refuge with his friends, sometimes for days, sometimes weeks or months, sometimes he didn’t return until the next summer, but no matter what he always came back.  


He wasn’t coming back this time.  


Regulus had heard enough of the argument in the drawing room, had heard the shout of a curse and felt the shake of the walls.  


Sirius wasn’t ever to come back home ever again.  


Regulus only dared to sneak into his brother’s room after their mother had shouted herself into exhaustion. He hadn’t done so in such a long time, didn’t see any point in trying to reconcile with a brother who wanted nothing to do with him. He didn’t know why he was doing it, didn’t actually see a reason in it, but felt that he had to do it nonetheless.  


Sure enough, when Regulus opened the door to his room, Sirius was long gone. Regulus hadn’t even heard him leave, hadn’t even felt his presence disappear but he doubted he would’ve lingered. He doubted that either of their parents would’ve allowed him.  


The room was still the same but different at the same time. It already had an abandoned feel to it, just hours after Sirius had left. Everything that had made it Sirius’ had disappeared, well all except for the Gryfindor banners and the muggle photographs of the muggle contraptions and the strange naked women that Sirius had made sure would remain. There were no longer clothes strewn about the floor, no longer any bottles of ink or a racing broom lying carelessly on the ground. The muggle trinkets that Sirius had collected over the years had disappeared as well. But through it all, in the centre of the emptiness, hung the picture of Sirius and all his friends laughing and arm in arm. Regulus felt a large pang of resentment pulse through him.  


Sirius had chosen his side, had chosen these boys to his family, to Regulus. He wondered what they had done to earn the right to his brother’s loyalty. What made them so important and so great.  


He wondered if not their parents, why Sirius hadn’t chosen him instead.  


  


* * *

  


Regulus nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand land on his shoulder.

“Mother,” he said trying to keep the guilt from his voice. Ever since Sirius’ departure there was an unspoken rule throughout the house that everything related to his wayward brother was forbidden, including his room, and here Regulus was standing right in the centre of it.  


“What are you doing here?” his mother asked him, the pungent smell of alcohol in her breath nearly making Regulus gag. Even though no one would admit it, she had been slipping further and further away ever since she disowned her eldest son.  


“Nothing,” said Regulus feeling too tired to lie. His arm still stung from a stray curse and he still felt the Dark Lord’s cold touch on his skin. He could still see the muggle woman’s unseeing eyes every time he closed his eyes. At first he had thought that taking on the mark was a great honour, now not so much. “I just wanted to be here again, to remember him.” He wished he could be as brave as his brother had been, especially now in these dark times.  


“Sirius is a traitor,” said his mother. “There is nothing in this room that you will ever need to remember.”  


“I know that mother,” said Regulus with a sigh. He knew that he should stop charting dangerous territories and just lead his mother to her own room for rest but he couldn’t, could barely control his own mouth any more. “But he’s still my brother.”  


“Don’t you think I don’t know that,” mother said with an edge to her voice. “He was my son as well Regulus.”  


Regulus tried not to let his surprise show too much. His mother hadn’t acknowledged Sirius as her son ever since he left, not even in her most intoxicated moments.  


“But he is a traitor,” she continued. “He chose his side and he chose to side against us. There is nothing left for the son who I bore to remember.”  


“That doesn’t change anything mother. That doesn’t change the years I was his brother.”  


“I always thought Sirius would be the one to make you proud,” said his mother sounding more sober than she had in years. “He was first born and he was as bright as his namesake, even as a boy… Oh he was perfect. Charming, exuberant, graceful, strong, shining like the star that he is. He would’ve made a perfect heir.” She eyed Regulus distastefully. “You never were like him. You were always quiet, scared, preferring to hide behind your brother than facing your own problems. I didn’t have much hope for you and I didn’t care much for you either. I didn’t think you would ever make me proud.”  


Regulus didn’t answer, didn’t know what there was to say. Before he might have felt disappointment, even resentment, but he wasn’t the boy he had been before. Now he just felt tired, this war was beginning to wear on him, like it was beginning to wear on everyone. In the end, his mother was right, he could have never shined as brightly as Sirius did.  


“But then the years passed,” she continued, squeezing Regulus’ shoulder so tightly it was almost painful. “And Sirius changed. He rebelled and he betrayed us, decided to leave rather than take up his duty, decided to go against us. But you my son, you stayed and you have done me proud. You’re my only star left Regulus, you aren’t Sirius but you are enough.”  


“Thank you mother,” said Regulus not quite certain he should be thankful. He wasn’t like Sirius and he didn’t know if he still wanted to. He didn’t know if he still wanted to make his family proud, it wasn’t as easy as it should have been, not with the war.  


His mother gave his shoulder one last squeeze before moving out of the room, a ghost of the glory she had once been before Sirius, and Regulus was once again left alone.  


He was beginning to realize that that was how it was meant to be.  


  


* * *

  


It was his last night, his last night in this world and Regulus found himself back in Sirius’ room almost without thinking.

It was different now. There was a layer of dust that coated every surface and it looked more abandoned than ever, the muggle pictures already fading. Kreacher and Sirius never really like each other so it was understandable why the house elf hadn’t bothered to maintain it. Besides, it wasn’t as if anyone else bothered to go there except for Regulus.  


He had already sent the letter to his brother, too cowardly to say what he wanted to say in person. It told Sirius everything, what he was planning, what he was about to do. It seemed fitting that he told his brother what he wouldn’t tell anyone else, not even their parents. That was the way they had always been and these were his last moments, Regulus thought that he had a right to be nostalgic.  


Regulus didn’t know why he was still so guilty that he didn’t do it himself. He was going to die anyway, and it would cease to mean anything in a few hours. It was better for everyone involved that he didn’t do it himself at any rate. Maybe he was just scared that Sirius would try to stop him, or worse, maybe he was scared that Sirius wouldn’t.  


“I’m not coming back this time,” Regulus said wishing that Sirius were here to hear it and glad that he wasn’t.  


“This is all your fault you know,” he said, seating himself in the bed. He studied the picture that hung in the centre of the wall, of Sirius and all his friends, smiling and happy. Sirius was happy there, happier than Regulus had ever seen him in Grimmauld Place, ever, even with Regulus. Sirius never smiled that widely here, never that truly and Regulus felt that he was beginning to understand why Sirius had chosen them. He would’ve given absolutely anything to be able to smile like that too.  


“You were the one who put all these ideas into my head,” said Regulus now talking without much thinking. It wasn’t as if there was anyone listening. He still liked to think that there was, that by some illogical form of magic Sirius could hear each and every word he was saying. “I was perfectly happy doing what our parents wanted and I thought you were too. Then you just had to get yourself sorted in Gryffindor didn’t you? Always doing the impossible you are. Then you went against everything our parents taught us didn’t you? Then you left. You told me later that it was because you couldn’t take it any more, couldn’t stay here any more where everything was so wrong and convulsed. You should have known I would’ve followed you anywhere, and I’m following you now. It just took me a little longer, that’s all.”  


Regulus hastily wiped at the wetness in his eyes but there was no point there either was there? It wasn’t as if anyone would know and Regulus wouldn’t be here long enough to regret it.  


“Kreacher,” he called out and a moment later the house-elf popped into the room.  


“It’s time,” he told him and the house-elf trembled slight but nodded. Regulus decided to ignore the trembling part. He was sure that he would lose his nerve if he tried to think about what he was going to do too much. “Take me to the cave.”  


“Master Regulus--”  


“Please Kreacher,” said Regulus and the house-elf held out his hand. Regulus paused a moment before taking it, looking around the room for the last time.

“I hope I make you proud Sirius,” he said and grasped Kreacher’s tiny hands. A moment later he was gone and the room was once again empty.  


\--finis--  


  


**Author's Note:**

> **I know that this isn't what you asked for in the prompt, exactly but this fic just sort of... went its own way. Hope you still enjoyed it :)
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](http://pdfcct.tumblr.com/)! Come say hi :)


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